I’ve always been attracted to men, but I have never been interested in sex. I’m beginning to wonder if this means I’m asexual?

Question: I’ve always been attracted to men, but I have never been interested in sex. I’m actually pretty grossed out by the thought of it and don’t enjoy when it comes up in books or on TV. I’ve never been in a relationship so I don’t particularly see it as a problem, but I’m beginning to wonder if this means I’m asexual? Having a label doesn’t really matter to me but it might help me understand why I find sex so unappealing.

Response:

The following quote from Jicragg in the thread “Why do i find the idea of sex disgusting?” of the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) forum put it really nicely:

Lots of people find bugs disgusting and a lot of people are fasinated by it all. So really there’s nothing wrong with finding sex disgusting.

It can be difficult sometimes to navigate feelings that don’t seem to fit the perceived “norms” set out by the society we live in. The reality is that most people don’t fit these “norms” either. Our sexual and non-sexual experiences vary as widely as we do as individuals. Experimentation with labels and identities can be a very liberating and empowering experience that can help us to better understand ourselves. AVEN also has a great quote about labels on their Overview page:

There is no litmus test to determine if someone is asexual. Asexuality is like any other identity- at its core, it’s just a word that people use to help figure themselves out. If at any point someone finds the word asexual useful to describe themselves, we encourage them to use it for as long as it makes sense to do so.

AVEN also has a list of links that include personal blogs and other community sites by members of the Asexual community. Sometimes reading about other people’s experiences can help us to better understand our own.

If you ever want to chat, our lines are open Tues-Thur, 6-9 pm at 519-836-4550.

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