Hi. I’m a female, and I just moved here to Guelph for my undergrad. I guess you could say I fall under the “questioning” or “curious” category. I went through phases in high school where I would feel attracted to girls, but I never acted upon it. I mean, I’ve kissed girls before but I haven’t come to complete terms as to what this attraction means to me. I find women to be beautiful, but I am also extremely attracted to men. I’m having a tough time understanding what these sexual urges mean. I feel like I need to experience a sexual and/or romantic relationship with a woman, as my curiosity is killing me. I’m nervous though to approach women, and I would most likely feel awkward about the whole situation. Help?
It sounds like you are trying to get a grip on your sexuality and what it means for you now, and what it could mean for you in the future. While some people ‘just know’ their sexuality, others find their sexuality changes and evolves over time. Your physical and mental sexuality does not have to be fixed or permanent. You may play, or not play, with it as you so choose.
A question you could ask yourself might be: How would it affect you now if you do/don’t act on these urges and impulses? How might it affect you later?
If you choose to indulge your curiosity, perhaps visiting an LGBTQ+ positive space would be helpful. You may be able to connect with peers or even an available gal. On campus, you could check out Guelph Queer Equality’s Tuesday Social. Check them out on Facebook or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org for info about upcoming events. If you’re in the downtown area, stop by Out On The Shelf (OOTS), a queer resource library staffed by LGBTQ+ persons and allies. You can find out more about on- and off-campus resources in this post.
Meeting people and (when it’s appropriate) asking for what you want will probably feel awkward at first, but the more you practice, the less awkward it will be. You might get to connect with peers and friends who can help you understand these feelings, or maybe even someone you’d like to get to know better.
If you do get to know someone better, be safe; sex between two women still carries the risk of STI’s. A great way to protect yourself and your partner is to use a dental dam. It’s also extremely important that you always get (and give) enthusiastic consent. Check out the Wellness Centre for a queer-friendly atmosphere where you can learn more about consent and sexual health.
Ultimately, it is up to you to make decisions about what you want and who you are. Give yourself permission to go at your own pace and make informed choices. If you ever need to talk it out with someone, you can always give us a call. We’re open Mondays (3.30-6pm), Wednesdays (6-9pm), or Fridays (1-3pm).
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